Saturday, July 18, 2009 - Update

The other day Olivia found this hat in her closet. It was a baby gift for Logan. She thought it was so funny. She'd hand it to me and then pat her head so that I'd put it back on. Then, she'd take it off and hand it to me. . . . .and on and on it went. Who knew she'd like ball caps so much!

Friday, July 17, 2009 - Update

My most favorite doggy in the whole world!

Our neighbors have a golden retriever, which is my very favorite breed of dog. I have always wanted a golden retriever. His name is Cooper. . .and oddly enough. . .I have always wanted a golden retriever named Cooper. Every time Olivia is outside, she has to go over to see if Cooper is at the gate. Nine times out of ten, he's not there, but Olivia is overjoyed when he is. Cooper is quite excited for the attention as well. He's very good with Olivia. I think Olivia also likes him because he's behind a gate and can't jump up on her. Since Ryan and I are BOTH allergic to dogs, Cooper will have to do for now.

Angels

The other night, Ryan was flipping through the channels and we were having a hard time finding something to watch on t.v. Then, I caught a glimpse of Kirk Cameron and after much convincing, Ryan turned it back to Lifetime. Growing up, I had only two celebrity crushes. . .New Kids On The Block and Kirk Cameron. Anyway, it was an episode of Touched By An Angel and it was particulary heart-wrenching. I won't give an entire recap, but at one point in the show, Kirk Cameron's character was contemplating suicide because his life seemed too difficult to bear. It was then that the angel (I don't remember her name) revealed to him that she was an angel sent by God to help him through this difficult time. At this point I'm crying (must have been one of those emotional nights. . .or just Kirk Cameron's acting prowess.) Ryan is trying to clean up dinner and I turn to him in tears and ask, "Why didn't God send us an angel to help us through our difficult time?" Ryan simply looked at me and said, "He did" and pointed to our little angel, who at that time was eating Cheerios off the floor. I've said it before, but this little 1 lb 1.5 oz angel helped carry her mommy and daddy through some of the very darkest days. God must have known that we needed her and I don't know where we would be without her.

So many people must feel like they need their own angel right now. One in particular is little Ben who is fighting a recurrence of neuroblastoma. He was only 2 1/2 years old in 2004 when he was originally diagnosed with neuroblastoma, stage IV. Please click on his picture below to read more about this courageous young man and his fight against cancer.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 - Update

Well, the second date on our poll was July 15th. Sorry to disappoint the 24 people who voted for it, but Olivia isn't quite to 20 lbs yet. She does, however, weigh a whopping 19.7 lbs which is the most she has ever weighed. Since she began signing "more" her food intake has really increased. She is always wanting more of something. . .usually it's food or books. She has become quite a book-a-holic. I never thought I'd tell my child, "No more books for right now." I bet we read hundreds of stories each day.

Speaking of books, I'd better go. . .Olivia is piling up books beside me and signing "more."

Happy Birthday, Aunt Shelley!

Happy Birthday!!! Can't wait to play with you and Izzy soon!

Ah-Choo

I had some allergy testing done last week. You know, when they draw the big grid on your back and poke you with all kinds of allergens. Interesting results. Here are some things that you might not know about me (because I didn't know them about myself):

I'm allergic to various molds and tree pollens. I'm HIGHLY allergic to marsh elder. If anyone knows what that is, kindly show it to me because I don't think I should get around that. . .ever!

I'm allergic to tomatoes. . .as is my brother and my dad. I'm not sure if that means I can't have ketchup or tomato sauce.

I'm allergic to feathers, dogs and guinea pigs. Now, I wasn't allergic to dogs growing up because I had the best dog ever from the time that I was 4 years old until my senior year in high school. I never had any allergy problems. And guinea pigs? I owned not one, not two, but NINE guinea pigs at one time. After Penelope's death, I am now down to only one guinea pig, my only pet, Harrison. I am a huge animal lover and between Ryan and I, I don't think there is an animal that one of us isn't allergic to. He's allergic to dogs and cats, so I went with guinea pigs. Now, I find that I'm allergic to dogs and guinea pigs. I'm kinda bummed about the whole thing. I had thought of getting Olivia a little bird because she loves tweet tweets, but I'm allergic to feathers. Yikes! Maybe we can get a pet cow. . .I don't think either of us are allergic to cows.

The other results are kind of boring, although it was interesting to find out that I'm allergic to red maples and guess which two trees are in our backyard? Yep. . .red maples. Oh, and don't send me any chrysanthemums. . .I'm allergic to those too. I started on an allergy med and nasal spray in hopes that I don't have to do the allergy shots. You know, I never had any allergy problems until I hit my 20s. Actually, when I moved out into my first apartment is when my allergies started. . .it must have been near a field of marsh elder. I guess that's also when I got my first guinea pig. . .oops.

Saturday, July 11, 2009 - Update

My dad with his two kids and two granddaughters.

It takes two people to light 60 candles.

And he blew them out in a single blow!

Helping grandpa open his presents.

Grandpa and his girls.

Kissing cousins

Good snacks and great conversation.

Happy Birthday Grandpa Sailing!

Guess who's turning the big 6-0?

He may be 60, but he can still out-run, out-perform, out-work, and out-last most of us. I don't know. . .Olivia may have met her match. We hope you have a wonderful birhday! We love you!

Penelope

Princess Penelope

Oh, what a day. Came home tonight to clean the guinea pig cages like we do every Friday night and found that Penelope had died. I thought she would outlive them all. . .she was stubborn enough. She was almost 7 years old, which is the longest that any of our guinea pigs have lived. I got Penelope back when I was living in my Andover apartment and planning my wedding. She moved three times with me. She was one of the guinea pigs that I was especially close to. . .except when I was pregnant. For some reason, Penelope would not have anything to do with me while I was pregnant. . .she wouldn't even let me pet her. It was the oddest thing. . .like she thought she was being "replaced." She definitely acted like she was royalty with a take charge attitude. She kept the other girls in line. Penelope will be greatly missed.

Smile

July 2008

July 2009

I love comparison pictures. When you are around someone 24 hours a day, you don't notice the subtle day to day differences. Boy, what a change within the past year! It does my heart good, however, to notice that her smile and exuberance for life hasn't changed. I hope it never does.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009 - Update

Marilee and Olivia by the tigers

The tigers were right up by the glass.

This guy was so funny.

There was even a baby giraffe.

We had a great day hanging out with my friend, Marilee. We ate a yummy lunch at Olive Garden and then headed to the zoo. Olivia did awesome the entire time. I was hoping the day's activities would wear her out and we could take a nice, long, afternoon nap. No luck. . .it's 4 pm and she's still going strong.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009 - Update

Olivia has been sleeping in until almost 10 am in lieu of a nap. She has discovered the joy of morning sleep. . .ahhh. . .it's the best. I actually had to wake her up this morning for her Rainbows appt at 9 am. There's something inherently wrong about waking a sleeping baby or anyone enjoying a restful slumber, really. Maybe I'm a bit biased towards sleep, but it sure helps a tired mommy. Once Olivia is up. . .she is up for the rest of the day and doesn't slow down. Who knows how long it will be until she starts napping again. She has been going to bed a bit later because she can't seem to fall asleep until the sun goes down. I'm sure she'll be waking back up at 7:30 am just when I start enjoying this new schedule.

Fun In The Sun

Today, I went over and played outside with Izzy.

Two crazy girls!

Uncle Donnie spraying Izzy with the hose.

I couldn't decide if I wanted in on the action.

Izzy got soaked!

Do I or don't I. . .

My cousin Izzy sure knows how to have fun in the sun!

Comfort

All children have ways to comfort themselves. . .whether it's a blanket, a thumb, a pacifier, or a stuffed animal. I forget that those who have never been around Olivia, don't know this side of her. She sucks on her hand to calm herself and has done so since the NICU. She has such a strong gag reflex, her thumb would probably be too much. She especially likes to lay down on a soft, fuzzy blanket and suck on her hand. It's really cute and is just one of the many special things about her.

Sunday, July 5, 2009 - Update

Our fourth of July festivities were cut short after hearing the devastating news that Ryan's aunt Peggy passed away. She has been fighting cancer for some time. My heart goes out to her husband, children and all who knew and loved her. It's been a tough week for our families. Earlier this week, Ryan's uncle fell from a combine and broke his back. After being airlifted to Wichita, he underwent surgery to fuse some of his vertebrae. This is the same uncle who suffered a stroke last year and is still facing challenges because of that. How much should one man have to endure? Because of his accident, harvest has been a bit more challenging for the family. Ryan's dad is still out at the farm, which left Ryan's mom without him at home when she heard the news about her sister. What a tough week for everyone. Then, I hear the news today that my uncle is in the hospital with the swine flu. Please keep our families in your prayers.

New Kids On The Block

Last night was my highly-anticipated New Kids On The Block concert. It was awesome. . .just awesome. It was so much fun and it did so much for my state of mind. I was a huge fan back in the day and went to their concert when I was in the 6th or 7th grade. This time, my mom didn't have to go with us. . .and I could drive myself. :) I have to say that I enjoyed it even more the second time around and they were just as I remembered them. Some of Angie's pictures turned out better than mine, so many of these pictures are ones that she took. Thanks ladies for such a wonderful night!! Now, I'm getting ready for fireworks. . .looks like it's going to be another late night.

Part of our crew

The rest of our crew. Special thanks to Angie for getting us such great seats!

And there they are!!!

Jon, Joey and Jordan

Ah. . .Jordan.

And there's Jordan again. (Can you tell who has always been my favorite?)

This one is for you, Kerry!

Amazing! I can't believe how good they all looked 20+ years later.

Great concert! They sang a nice mix of their old and new songs.

Almost over. . .

I didn't want it to end.

Thursday, July 2, 2009 - Update

Making our fourth of July plans

Oh, they'll be so much fun!

Thanks to everyone for your comments. I know that I shouldn't worry about Olivia's weight gain. I tell myself that over and over again, but I still do. Maybe that will lessen with time. . .ya know, when there will be something else to worry about. :) She is doing fabulous with her vocabulary. Today, she saw the squirrel at grandma's house and said, "Skirl! Woof Woof!" Okay, so squirrels don't say woof woof, but I couldn't believe she said squirrel!

I am really looking forward to this weekend. Tomorrow night I'll be hangin' tough with my girlfriends at the New Kids On The Block concert. I really really really need a night out to relax and have a good time. Then, Saturday will be the 5th (?) annual Glunt fireworks display. We always get together with Joel, Laura, Julia and Rebekah to shoot off fireworks and watch our neighbors' displays. This year, we're hoping and praying that it won't be the last as they face the prospect of moving away. It just wouldn't be the 4th without them. We have envisioned doing this for many more years. And one day the girls will invite their boyfriends and instead of watching the fireworks we'll be trying to determine whether they're worthy of our girls. This weekend will definitely be a "blast!"

A Bit Disappointing

Well, I weighed Olivia tonight and she's back down to 18.9 lbs. She had gotten up to 19.5 lbs before she got sick and I thought we were on our way to 20 lbs. I found these interactive growth charts from Rhys's mom and sadly, Olivia's not on the weight chart for her actual OR adjusted age. I just guessed on the length, so she may not actually be on that chart either. Kinda disheartening as I have felt that she has been eating really well lately. I'm just shooting for the 5th percentile to get us on the chart!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009 - Update

Izzy and I at lunch

Well, it was a much better (headache-free) day. Olivia and I slept in until 10 am!! We played. Then, met Shelley and Izzy for lunch. We played some more and threw in a 2 hour nap! We are both feeling pretty good. She has been an angel lately and I was so proud of how both of the girls acted at lunch (sure, they were a bit messy, but. . ) Some days Olivia behaves so well, I just wish I knew of an extra special way to reward her.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009 - Update

Not much to talk about today. I had a severe headache with horrible nausea for about 17 straight hours. . .it was awful. Finally, after Ryan came home from work, he watched Olivia while I crawled in bed with an ice pack on my head. After sleeping for an hour, I felt much better. Olivia was angel for me all day. I think she knew that mama didn't feel well. I don't have any pictures because Ryan is putting in a new hard drive. I can't access my pictures in the meantime. Olivia is still as cute as ever and she has added gorilla sounds to her repertoire.

Also, just wanted to remind everyone to buy their fireworks from our church's firework's tent at 45th and Maize Rd. It's in the parking lot of of our old high school.

Monday, June 29, 2009 - Update

Olivia has learned so many new things lately. The other night, she learned how to remove her diaper and ran around the house squealing in the nude. When she wants a snack, she finds the bag, gives it to me and patiently waits for her snack. When she wants to read a book, she finds it, gives it to me, turns around, sits on my lap and smiles. Of course, lately it has been the same book over and over. . .The Rhyming Dust Bunnies. There is a part where the dust bunnies are sucked up in the vacuum and she thinks it is hilarious. She even tries to imitate the Thhhwptt sound. She is really good at imitations. Sometimes when she says woof woof, I'd swear we had a dog in the house. :) Oh, and she does a perfect elephant. . .better than me actually. She still opens and closes cabinets and doors. The other day we were playing "Mama Get You" and she ran into the bathroom and closed the door. Smart girl!! She amazes me every single day. There are still developmental milestones that she hasn't met, but there are so many amazing things that she does every day that I'm just not worried.

Sunday, June 28, 2009 - Update

I can't believe that it has been six years since Ryan and I said "I do." Of course, at that time, we had no idea what life had in store for us. We only knew that, whatever it was, we wanted to experience it together. Boy, what experiences we have had within the past six years! Sometimes it's nice not to know what life has in store for you. But, even if we had known, I have every confidence that we still would have pledged our lives to one another. Thank you, Ryan, for meaning every word that you said. . .even when we didn't know what "for better or worse" truly meant.

You have been committed to being my husband. . .even when faced with the prospect of never being a daddy. You went through everything that was asked of you during our struggle to have a baby. When I faltered. . .you never gave up. I still remember the joy of calling you at work to let you know that you were finally going to be a daddy. I remember the look on your face when the doctor told us that he saw three babies! It was a look of "Uh Oh," but still with a smile and a sparkle in your eye. You mourned with me when we lost Baby B. . .even when others said "thank goodness." You never missed a doctor's appointment with me and you never dismissed my feeling that something was wrong with my pregnancy.

You were there with me at the hospital when they told us that labor couldn't be stopped. I had never seen you cry like that. Your tears conveyed the deep love that you already had for our children. You held my hand when they told me to push. I still remember your words in the silence of the room after Olivia was born. . ."She's moving and she's beautiful." I remember not wanting to leave your side when they whisked me off to deliver Logan by c-section. I remember waking up to your reassuring words that my babies were being taken care of.

You called every morning and every night to check on Olivia and Logan in the NICU. You went to the hospital with me every single day to visit them. I remember how you held our son the night he passed away. Somehow, you were still my rock even though I knew it was just as tough on you. Your love for your daughter is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. You and I are the only ones that truly understand everything that our family has been through. You are such a good daddy and I know that you will be there for Olivia throughout her life. . .just as you are for me. Thank you for always "holding the ceiling up" when the weight has been too much for me to bear.

Of course, we have had less stressful times together as well. We went on a cruise for our honeymoon, had wonderful vacations in Florida, watched as our house became our home, spent our weekends shopping, dining, going to movies, etc. Through good times and bad, I don't feel that your love has ever wavered. I love you even more than that day six years ago when we said "I do." You are my husband and my best friend in the whole world and I love you so much. Happy Anniversary!

Friday, June 26, 2009 - Update

Happy Birthday, Alex!

My nephew's birthday is June 27th, so we wanted to say Happy Birthday! Alex, we hope you enjoy it. . .it's the last year that your age will be in the single digits!!

Olivia is feeling better each day. She still has a rash and has been a bit cranky. She did sleep all night last night, so that's a good sign. Of course, I didn't sleep at all. I have a problem sometimes with restless legs syndrome. It's hard to explain, but for those who have experienced it. . .you know how awful it is. That was actually the third night in a row that it has kept me up and it's driving me crazy. Sleeping pills only make it worse, so I'm hoping and praying and hoping that I get some sleep tonight. Please oh please oh please!!!

Thursday, June 25, 2009 - Update

Riding "Frank" at grandma and grandpa's house

Yesterday, Olivia was doing a lot better. . .her fever was gone, but then last night she developed a rash. We're suspecting that it is roseola since it is usually diagnosed by a few days of a high fever followed by a rash. Yesterday, she was back to her normal, happy self, but today she is extremely cranky. I'm not sure if it is from her illness or her teeth. I don't know how many she is getting all at once, but her mouth looks like a war zone. Poor thing. All in all. . .it's been a rough week between her being sick, Ryan's back, my lack of sleep, this unrelenting heat, etc. I'm ready for the weekend.

As many of you know, I began going to a therapist a few weeks ago. She is starting something with me called eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. I guess that traumatic memories are stored differently and in a different part of the brain than other memories. They are sort of like an undigested clump of memories. This type of therapy helps to "digest" and process them more like other memories so that they are not so difficult to relive. I have an extremely difficult time with Logan's death. I also have a lot of trouble with the day that Logan and Olivia were born. Actually, I think the anniversary of Logan's death is easier on me than the day that they were born. The anniversary of his death is just sort of a day of mourning for our family and we allow ourselves to be sad on that day. The day of their birth is, well, Olivia's birthday. It's a happy day and I don't want her to grow up thinking of it as any other type of day. Hopefully, this will help me move forward with the memories of what we've been through. . .but, without the pain.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 - Update

Guess what I learned to do?

Hmm. . .what's in here?

Last night had to go down in the record books for the most sleepless night of all time. It was awful. Olivia is a fantastic sleeper. I usually put her to bed around 9 pm and I don't hear a peep out of her until morning. A few months ago, she started getting into the habit of waking up multiple times, so we had to nip that in the bud. It only took three nights of continuously laying her back down before she was sleeping like a champ again. Since she has been sick, it has been difficult for her to sleep and I just don't have it in me to let her cry in her room by herself. So, I have been sleeping in a recliner with her. Last night, Olivia and I were really restless and could not fall asleep. It was funny, though, around 1 pm. . .she looked at me, smiled and said, "Woof, woof." I barked back and we continued barking and laughing at each other for some time. Finally, when sleep just kept eluding us. . .we crawled into bed with daddy. I don't know how people sleep with their children or how a 19 lb child can somehow take up the entire bed. I hardly slept at all on my 2 inches of bed space. If it wasn't for the few dreams that I had, I would swear that I didn't sleep at all.

Anyway, Olivia's temp seems to be gone today. She must have heard me talking about taking her to the doctor. She is doing much better than she's done all week, so hopefully we're on the mend. In fact, she's learning all kinds of new things today like how to open cabinet doors and if she holds the phone up to her ear, she looks just like mama. I just hope that we can both take a nice, long nap this afternoon.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 - Update

This morning, Olivia's temp shot up to 103.4. She was miserable, but once her temp came down, she started playing again. I don't understand it. If she's still running a temp tomorrow, I'll probably take her into the doctor. Her cousin had the same thing (with a higher temp) and was told it was viral. Other than a temperature, she's acting pretty normal.

I'm frustrated with myself for being so tired and know that I need to step it up. My daughter is sick, my husband is still having problems with his back. . .there really isn't any time for me to be tired. I still can't shake this fatigue that's been going on for over a year now. It's awful and I'm done with it. It doesn't help that it's so incredibly hot outside that I feel trapped inside the house just like I did all winter. Olivia doesn't understand why she can't go outside and I forgot how much I despise hot weather.

Monday, June 22, 2009 - Update

This is what a rough night looks like in the morning (although I'm never that happy.)

Thanks, honey, for the lovely pictures that I discovered on my camera this morning. Olivia has been feeling okay. We're still trying to keep her temperature down with Tylenol. For most of the day, she was her normal self and she has continued eating just fine. I'm still hoping this illness passes quickly.

A Not So Happy Father's Day

I'm not feeling well. . .

not well at all.

But, I'll still manage a smile for the camera.


and let my daddy know how much I love him!

Olivia surprised us today with a 102 temp. She surprised us again by eating all of her lunch even though she wasn't feeling well. Yet another surprise was in store when she threw it all up. Poor thing is not feeling well today. We have been able to get her temp down to around 100 and she is starting to play again. I'm sure that missing a cookout, throwing out his back, having a sick daughter, cleaning up vomit and mowing was not on Ryan's Father's Day wish list. Can we have a do-over? Please pray that Olivia is back to herself soon and that this illness doesn't last long. I'd better go and snuggle with my daughter. She needs a lot of extra snuggles today and I'm ready and willing.

Happy Birthday, Grandma Sailing!

Tomorrow (June 21st) is my mom's birthday. What a wonderful mother and an amazing grandmother. We love you!

Friday, June 19, 2009 - Update

That's it. . .I'm calling grandma

Sorry I am just now getting around to posting. It's been an interesting week. The weather has been too hot to do much outside and Olivia just stares out the door longingly. My husband threw his back out for the second time this month. It never fully recovered from the last time and I'm not sure exactly of the cause. Olivia is used to rough housing with dad and it breaks her heart when she can't do that with him. (It breaks dad's heart too.) So, Olivia hasn't been able to do any of her favorite things this week. Poor girl just can't catch a break. I haven't been feeling 100% and I believe allergies are causing all of my grief. And, I haven't taken many pictures lately. . .that's just from laziness, however. I'm ready for the weekend, but with Ryan's back I'm not sure how much we'll be able to do.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - Update

Olivia doing her happy dance

At what age is it that we stop dancing around for no particular reason. . .just out of sheer happiness? Olivia has the cutest little happy dance that she does. She has started a new game where she goes around and touches things and wants you to tell her what they are. She has learned a lot of new words in the past two days like door frame, paper, wall, dresser, etc. She is developing such an inquisitive mind. She has also started a new game where she does something that she's not supposed to do and when I tell her no, she just laughs. Yeah, I'm going to have to step up the discipline side of my parenting. She has started giving me those looks as if to say, "Well, what are you going to do about it?" The most important part of discipline (besides clear expecations) is consistency and there are things that I don't mind if she does at home, but I don't want her to do at other people's houses. Or, I don't want her throwing certain sippy cups on the floor, but I don't mind if she drops the no-spill ones. This sort of confuses her, so I really need to get my plan together. I really don't like her throwing food on the floor, but on the other hand, I'm just glad that she's eating. You can't expect a toddler to not be messy. These gray areas are kind of tough.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009 - Update

Today, mommy and I visited Madison.

I liked her a lot. I just know we're going to be best friends.

When Madison was napping, I jumped in her jumperoo. I don't think she'll mind.

Mommy made me sit still to take pictures.

Today, Olivia and I had a playdate with Madison. She is the daughter of my friend, Stacie. We had a great time. I enjoyed seeing Olivia with someone younger than her. . .she was so gentle and sweet with her. I just know that they're going to be friends as they get older. It was nice visiting with Stacie and also Stacie's sister, Erica, who has always been so near and dear to me. The whole afternoon did my heart good. There's something about spending time with someone who you've been through so much with and who knows you so well. . . . it just leaves a smile on your face. Thanks, Stacie, for a wonderful afternoon.

Monday, June 15, 2009 - Update

Thanks for my shirt, Kerry!

Lately, it seems that Olivia is enjoying her new molars. She has been able to chew up her food a lot better and has been eating great. . .until today. I'm not sure why. . .maybe her teeth are hurting her again or she's getting additional teeth. Everytime I try to feed her, she screams and cries (with real tears.) Hmm. . .that's about the only thing going on with us today. It's too hot, in my opinion, to do much outside. Maybe she'll take a bottle since she won't eat anything.

***After I posted this, I realized that I forgot to give Olivia her Prilosec (which I never forget to do.) Surely, she's not this uncomfortable after missing just one dose?? Anyway, I quickly gave it to her and hopefully we'll be back on track.